I don't know myself.
I don't know what I want or how I feel or how I should feel and I don't think I ever really have.
I don't know what I want or how I feel or how I should feel and I don't think I ever really have.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I was writing my story just now and the MC gets wet (nudge nudge wink wink) for the first time and I just started thinking about the first time I got wet. To be honest I completely freaked. I was like "OMG. What the hell is this?" I was 14 and had never been turned on before in my life. By the way, this is also how I figured out what my fetish is.
I still remember I was in freshmen history class. I was assigned a seat at a table full of boys, who by this time I was good friends with thanks to many other classes in common. There was a boy I liked and we used to openly flirt with each other, even in front of the class. So one day we are talking about why I do not wear dresses and what not when suddenly he reaches his large hand (because he was like 5'6" , 5'7" and had these humongous hands, quite appropriately sized for his stature) between my thighs and just pulled one leg towards him. I mean with so much force that my body literally shifted into his direction. I was beyond shocked.
No one at the table, let alone the class, knew what happened [his hand was under the table obviously] but this boy (my obvious stalker who I later needed guarding against) noticed and asked me what was wrong. I smiled, blushed fire truck red, and said nothing was wrong. Few seconds later he did it again, this time I only turned a little. He continued to do that every time I stole my leg back. At some point I decided to go to the bathroom so he could leave me alone (not that I actually wanted him to). On my way to the bathroom though I noticed I was slimy in my nether regions.
I almost ran to the bathroom freaking out. I did not know what it was but I cleaned my self off. It was not until later that night in my bed when I was thinking every thing over that I realized I was wet and had gotten wet at school earlier. That was when I realized I like when a guy is rough with me.
And boy was this he rough with me. I'm not too sure how many bruises he gave me in a matter of six months but it was definitely enough for two years.
I still remember I was in freshmen history class. I was assigned a seat at a table full of boys, who by this time I was good friends with thanks to many other classes in common. There was a boy I liked and we used to openly flirt with each other, even in front of the class. So one day we are talking about why I do not wear dresses and what not when suddenly he reaches his large hand (because he was like 5'6" , 5'7" and had these humongous hands, quite appropriately sized for his stature) between my thighs and just pulled one leg towards him. I mean with so much force that my body literally shifted into his direction. I was beyond shocked.
No one at the table, let alone the class, knew what happened [his hand was under the table obviously] but this boy (my obvious stalker who I later needed guarding against) noticed and asked me what was wrong. I smiled, blushed fire truck red, and said nothing was wrong. Few seconds later he did it again, this time I only turned a little. He continued to do that every time I stole my leg back. At some point I decided to go to the bathroom so he could leave me alone (not that I actually wanted him to). On my way to the bathroom though I noticed I was slimy in my nether regions.
I almost ran to the bathroom freaking out. I did not know what it was but I cleaned my self off. It was not until later that night in my bed when I was thinking every thing over that I realized I was wet and had gotten wet at school earlier. That was when I realized I like when a guy is rough with me.
And boy was this he rough with me. I'm not too sure how many bruises he gave me in a matter of six months but it was definitely enough for two years.
my perfect guy
would be strong, but not so strong he looks like a weight lifter
would be sweet, but not sweeter than me
would be smart, but not smart enough to make me feel illiterate
would be cute, but not so cute he looks like a girl
would be kind, he would help an old lady cross the road and end up walking her home
would be honest, moderately
would be funny, enough to be a professional comedian
would be political, enough to inform me about how corrupt our country is
would be adventurous, enough to whisk me away to Bombay
would be mature, enough to talk about periods
would be decisive, enough for the both of us
would be a pillar, support me in everything I do (even if he knows I could never make it)
would be a reader, and live in the land of fairy tales alongside me (with dragons of course)
would be sweet, but not sweeter than me
would be smart, but not smart enough to make me feel illiterate
would be cute, but not so cute he looks like a girl
would be kind, he would help an old lady cross the road and end up walking her home
would be honest, moderately
would be funny, enough to be a professional comedian
would be political, enough to inform me about how corrupt our country is
would be adventurous, enough to whisk me away to Bombay
would be mature, enough to talk about periods
would be decisive, enough for the both of us
would be a pillar, support me in everything I do (even if he knows I could never make it)
would be a reader, and live in the land of fairy tales alongside me (with dragons of course)
Saturday, January 12, 2013
On my writing site I received a comment thanking me for thanking them for becoming my fan. {sorry if that's too confusing} The person went out to say that a lot of the writers she had fanned in the last couple weeks {108 writers} did not take the time to thank her. I found this very depressing but even I have noticed that. I understand if you get like 20+ new fans a day but even a mass message thanking them for their support would be great. When writers get in touch and thank their fans the fans themselves feel happy and giddy just like the writer who took time out of their day to send them a quick little message.
When I replied to them I told them I appreciate every fan I receive because if I had none I know I would have quit writing a long time ago because I would have thought I was not good enough. I feel people should really appreciate everything little thing especially if it is something that supports you in your dream. I was disappointed when I looked at her other messages and out of 108 no one thanked her.
If you'll excuse me I am going to eat a corn muffin && hot coco, for the second time today.
When I replied to them I told them I appreciate every fan I receive because if I had none I know I would have quit writing a long time ago because I would have thought I was not good enough. I feel people should really appreciate everything little thing especially if it is something that supports you in your dream. I was disappointed when I looked at her other messages and out of 108 no one thanked her.
If you'll excuse me I am going to eat a corn muffin && hot coco, for the second time today.
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