I've had dreams where I'm looking at myself stand at the top of a cliff and I'll look down to see nothing but darkness and I could feel the cold wind blow from behind me. My hair would wave in front of my face and my knee length summer black dress would blow in front of me as if wishing me to jump. I look up and see the full moon shining bright against a flat starless night. The air smelt like the winter snow and my feet itched against the still green grass.

            I found myself wishing for it to end, to make it all go away, to find real happiness. I'd smile as I looked at the full moon and close my eyes. I lean my head back and opened my arms as if I was going to hug someone. It's done, I'd think as I lean forward. The wind pushed harshly against me. It was like flying. It was like heaven. I was alone and happy, the way I liked it. I opened my eyes and saw the rocky landing. A sharp rock aimed for my heart and another for my head. It’s coming. It'll end fast then you can be happy forever.