You'd Think

Books fill up the wall

a guitar leans against the closet door

my piano beside it.

You'd think I'd

be happy

being spoiled.

With my mother being single

it means she had to get married

again.

It means moving away.

Suddenly being spoiled

doesn't seem so good.

This time I'm the poor kid

looked down on.

Passed by.

Banished aside.

The book store clerk

knows my name

I can't seem to remember his

my teachers say I

need to do my homework

I find reading more important.

My 'friend' invites me

to her house.

I invite myself home.

I wish to be alone.

Is that so wrong?

I wish to be back at home.

My real home.

with my real friends

Not my pretends.

She wonders why

I never take her home.

How do I say

'I don't want to'

so it won't hurt her?

How do I say

'I like being alone'

to someone who wont listen?

How do I say

'I don't like you'

to someone who wont hear it?

You'd think I'd be happy

to be away from the drama

the fights and guns.

But I miss the known,

when everyone knew my name,

the screams of my friends,

not doing my work because

I was talking

and not because

I didn't want to.

You'd think I'd be happy

to be alone.

You'd think I wouldn't care.

I wouldn't dare.

You'd think I'd be happy

if you were wrong.

                                                I'm waiting for my autumn.

     As I finished reading a mange I began thinking about an anime I began watching but never finished. I started to think about my past before I moved. I normally have horrible memory so I didn't expect to remember much of it. But the harder I thought the more I realized I spent the majority of my time on networking sites and web chats. I guess that's what happens when your in a major city where no one really cares about you.

     At first I didn't want to move, or rather I was hesitant. I had grown up in the same city my whole life, I didn't know anything else. To go from a major city to a small podunk little town with 28,801 people and nothing to do sort of, changes you. Your friends don't try to keep contact, the people in town are so scared by a new comer they completely ignore and avoid you, and you find out new things about yourself.

     I am still kind of pissed that I moved. I think I rather be with my fake friends than be alone, but I am also grateful. If i hadn't moved I probably would have been caught up in twitter and Facebook. I would have never learned that I actually really like writing and making up stories. Surrounded with so many people it sort of forces you into situations where sometimes you have to deny who you really are to avoid getting jumped. In the small town though the only thing you have is yourself. 

     The first couple months I spent here were horrible. I had no friends, my TV connection was horrible, I was sleeping on a futon mattress on the floor, and there are not enough cell towers to let me have a single uninterrupted conversation with my friends on the phone. Left to my own devices I found books.

     The first book I bought and read was Stephenie Meyers Twilight quickly followed by her other novels. Then I began buying almost 5 books at a time and I'd have finished them before the end of the week. At one point I spent 157 dollars just on books (they were hard covers from Barns and Noble). Now a days if you asked me what the newest series on TV was or if you asked me what was the trendiest networking site, I couldn't tell you.

     Anyways, after that I found writing, and I've been consumed by it completely since the day I started writing.


     Lately though, I've been wanting more.
                                                I'm waiting for my autumn.